The gossip

Being the subject of gossip can be a frustrating and upsetting position. Whether created by real actions or malicious rumors, gossip can do serious damage to relationships, reputations, and group dynamics. Though nothing can fully prevent a person from becoming the subject of gossip, following a few basic precautions can help reduce the likelihood that the situation will occur. Don’t share too much information with people you don’t know you can trust, avoid engaging in gossip yourself, and think about how your behavior might appear to others.

One of the most important ways to stop or prevent gossip is to be circumspect with private information. Sharing problems or worries with friends and families is healthy and understandable, but it is important to tell private information only to those that can be trusted to keep it quiet. If a relative or friend is known to have a tattling tongue, it may be best to keep conversations with him or her to polite, public-appropriate subjects. It may also help to conduct private business only in appropriate forums; having a screaming argument with a spouse over the phone at work is certain to inspire talk among colleagues.

Many etiquette experts cite the old maxim of “do unto others as you would have them do unto you” when discussing the problem of gossip. Developing a reputation as a gossiper is likely to leave a person open to the same treatment; others may feel less inclined to be protective of the private information of a person known to spread rumors and tales. By declining to engage in gossiping at work or in social circles, a person can help develop an atmosphere in which that type of talk is unwelcome. Gaining a reputation as a circumspect and respectful person may engender the same behavior in others.

Though this may not always be possible or advisable, one of the best ways to avoid becoming the subject of gossip is by adhering to the rules of society. Most gossiping involves actions that are considered scandalous, immoral, or inappropriate in some way. Choosing to fly in the face of social tradition may be necessary in many situations, but it will tend to cause talk. While most etiquette experts stress that it is important to stick to personal principles regardless of societal rules, a general attempt to follow customs and standards can help reduce the chance of becoming the subject of gossip.

Unfortunately, some victims of gossipers are innocent or maligned bystanders, caught in the trap of other people’s scandalous behavior or false rumors. In this case, the only options may be to confront the shameless chatterers in an attempt to shame them away from their behavior, or to simply ignore the situation. The outcome of either of these tactics may depend on the situation; confronting gossipers may simply throw fuel on the fire in some cases, while in others it may make the tattlers feel sufficiently apologetic to cease their behavior.

the 'age' couple

The reverse was true for males tying the knot with younger females, study found.

Women who marry men seven to nine years their junior could be upping their odds of dying sooner, German researchers report.

Tying the knot with a significantly younger guy raises a woman’s risk of death by 20 percent, according to a study published in the May 12 issue of Demography.

Not that marrying much older men is much safer. The study, based on data from nearly two million Danish couples, indicates that marrying an older man might also shorten a woman’s life, and that the healthiest choice for a husband might be a man around a woman’s own age.

“One of the few possible explanations is that couples with younger husbands violate social norms and thus suffer from social sanctions,” Sven Drefahl, from the Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research (MPIDR) in Rostock, Germany, said in a news release.

Such couples could therefore be stigmatized as outsiders — receiving less social support, enduring a more stressful life and perhaps developing poorer health as a result, Drefahl speculated.

On the positive side, the study authors stressed that, as a whole, marriage is not bad for life expectancy. In fact, both men and women experience a bump in longevity when they get married, relative to unmarried people, the study found.

In addition, few women may be distressed by the new finding on marrying younger men, since many prior studies have shown that women typically prefer men of similar age.

In the United States, for example, the average groom is typically 2.3 years older than his bride, the research team noted.

In contrast, the study found that men got a health benefit from choosing a younger wife. While men who married older women increased their risk for death, men who exchanged rings with a woman seven to nine years younger cut their risk of dying by 11 percent, the researchers found.

The reasons for the apparent gender difference remain unclear, the authors said. The finding does cast doubt on a long-held theory of “health selection” when it comes to May-September relationships.

That notion suggests that older men and women who found younger partners were able to do so because they were healthier than average and therefore already faced a longer life expectancy. The theory relies on the notion that a younger spouse would boost the older partner’s social and psychological frame of mind on the one hand, while being there to care for him (or her) in old age — all contributing to increased longevity for the older mate.

These theories now have to be reconsidered”, Drefahl said.

THURSDAY, May 13 (HealthDay News) —Capital FM Lifestyle.

The Attraction

Bad Boys. Love them or hate them, the fact remains that women just can’t get enough of them. I’ve had friends who were clearly dating guys that were so poisonous to their lives. Trying to get them to see how unhealthy the dude was for them was like convincing a certain friend (no names) that flats are so last season. I will also admit that I’ve dated a bad boy or two. Not my wisest decision. I don’t regret it really; the ride was fun while it lasted. However, we have to know when we’re past the phase when we can use age as an excuse for our shenanigans.

Dating a bad boy is quite exhilarating. We usually get into the trap because they know exactly what to say, how to say it, how to look at you, exactly where to touch you, etc. It’s like a well rehearsed play for them. They are experts at the game of seduction. For the expert bad boys, just a look is enough to have a woman’s brain turn to mush. Confidence is everything. Women love men who take charge and know what they want. Nice guys generally tend to be shyer than their counterparts, or slow to go for what they want. Basically they think too much.

This type of man is quite a rush to be around. There’s never a dull moment. He’s always on the move with what may seem brilliant ideas of things to do. While the regular nice guy may suggest dinner in town at 8.00pm two weeks away and actually show up on time, the bad boy is more likely to suggest a random trip to Naivasha, right after clubbing all night; no need to even stop by the house for some toiletries. Let me explain what you should deduce from these two scenarios. The nice guy suggests dinner because he wants to get to know you as a person. The bad boy is just out for some fun, if you happen to be there, cool. If not, life will go on…

Women are also attracted to bad boys for the drama. Yeah I said it. Drama is the reason why we watch Nigerian movies and Mexican soap operas. We feed off drama. We love to have quite a story for the girls at the weekly committee meeting (Shout out to my girls Audrey and Sarah!). Whether he stood you up, didn’t call when he said he would, had the nerve to walk out on you or made you pay the bill when he’s the one who asked you out, we all love drama. A nice guy is stable and predictable. And what’s the fun in that, right?

There’s also what I like to call the Mama Nani Syndrome. Women love challenges. They think no matter how bad a guy is, they have this supernatural nurturing power to change him. Seriously, if he was brought up by his mother and that’s how he turned out, there’s nothing you will ever do to make him a better person, or turn him into the man you want him to be. He can only be the man he was when you met him. Don’t have false hopes. If you met him drinking like a fish, be prepared to live with mafans wa Tusker (or wa Kumi Kumi as I see women in Central complaining). If you stole him from your pal, resign to the fact that he’s weak and will probably be stolen from you.

I know I’ve really pumped up the bad boys. The bad news is that, for most women, this is just a phase. Reality has to bite sooner or later. Right now, I only have time for a man who is focused about where he is going and what he wants from life. Someone who will inspire me to be a better version of me. My bad boy days are long gone. I once went out with a guy who had cornrows, sagged his jeans and always had on NBA jerseys (one NBA jersey according to Audrey and Shirley). I can’t even imagine what I was thinking at the time. It was fun while it lasted. I would definitely not make that mistake again although I’m forgiven due to age. So while you enjoy with the bad boy, make sure you don’t miss out on the nice guy.

Capital FM Lifestyle